Today, we are gonna talk about expressing our true feelings. This has always been something that everybody has difficulty in doing, no matter how much they want to deny that they can. Because lying has always been easier than telling the truth, otherwise people will not invent the phrase "white lies" as an excuse to cover for themselves. I feel that people do not tell their true feelings because they treat it like a secret, its something that represents themselves. I mean its quite retarded if you go around telling others how you really feel about them or what they do right? "Hey you look damn ugly today", "OMG you are damn pretty, will you be my gf pls?", "Eh you damn stupid la, so simple also dont know how to do???". I can guarantee either you get whacked or slapped in the face. Anyway in my opinion, people usually lie about their true feelings in areas such as love, relationship problems, etc. Regarding the other aspects of our life, it doesnt really matter whether we speak our true feelings or not, what matters more is whether is it the truth or not.
I believe most of us will stutter or feel goosebumps when we want to say our true feelings. Most of the time we express our true feelings to 2 types of people only - our best friends or that special someone. First lets talk about our best friends. Usually it is not that difficult to express your true feelings to your best friends, it is finding who your best friends are that is difficult. Of course each and everyone of us have our own definition of "best friends", but in the end what we really want is someone whom we can comfortably share our problems and feelings with. I also want to share something - when you are a listener of your best friend, never ever try to force him/her to say her true feelings. Because what i believe is when someone says his/her true feelings, he/she must first have the right mindset and emotion to share, otherwise the expression of his/her feelings will not be complete and heartfelt. Ya once again you guys can tell me "DUH, we all know that", but i can be sure that you will forget about it when the time comes because we are always overly curious about things we desperately wanna know. That is why we are humans hahaha
However things start to get complicated sometimes when you "over-share" your feelings and problems with your best friend. Its almost the same as watching drama serials, Girl A shares with Guy B how she feels about Guy C and her other problems. Guy C then reciprocates and get together with Girl A. But as time goes on, Girl A realises that she likes Guy B more after continuing to share with him the problems she has with Guy C. Ya i know it seems too dramatic for reality but i am sure some of you all have experienced it before right?
So how do you differentiate between a "best friend" and your "boy/girlfriend"? This will be touched on next time HAHA.
On to expressing your true feelings to that "special someone". The first thing you think of when u read the previous sentence is the phrase "i love you". BUT understand this, those are not the hardest feelings to express especially when you know both parties like each other already. It is telling each other about the problems you have in your relationship which is difficult. So why is it so hard? I mean most of the time as i believe, we tell our "best friends" the problems we have in our relationships and somehow expect the message to get across to your partner, hoping that he/she is psychic somehow lol. Well i believe the root of this "communication" problem is - fear. The main reason why we are so reluctant to let our partners know what we truly feel about certain things that they do or behave is because we are afraid of the unhappiness we might cause, we may also be worried that we are forcing our partners to change their habits/lifestyle just to suit our needs (for those who are extremely considerate). Whatever reason it may be, in the end not expressing your truth is the worst sin you can ever commit to your partner. It is easy for me to say that "we should tell our problems directly to each other" but obviously i also know that it is extremely difficult to do especially at the emotional level.
Telling each other how you really feel about your relationship may seem like a bad thing at first, but it has at least 2 long term positives. First, you understand about each others character and train of thought more. Which couple can vouch that they know each others character inside out when they get together? If thats the case why dont you 2 just get married then? Part of being in a relationship is finding more about each other, which can be fun and intriguing as long as both parties actively participate. Second positive is that you are one step closer in knowing whether he/she is "the one" (we are not talking about the matrix pls). If problems constantly arise and are never solved completely, you have a rough idea that there is no point in wasting each others time right? In the end no matter what excuses you wanna give, we must still come to a realisation that if we do not communicate truthfully to our partners, we will never progress together in the relationship, it will just be very superficial and collapse.
Lastly there are some of you that have boy/girlfriends which used to be your best friend. You two used to talk about anything under the sun, even when you think that he/she has a bad hairstyle or habit, you will just tell him/her with no hesitation cause you want him/her to change for the better. After awhile you realise that there is a "reluctance" in telling him/her about your problems, especially those that concerns both of you. So why is this so? I believe the problem lies with - mentality. After getting together, you 2 no longer have the "best friend" mindset, more of the "couple" mindset already. So therefore you find it hard to say truthful things that you used to say before because you dont want to ruin your relationship (which leads to the same point just now). I feel this is not really a BIG problem, more of adapting to the new "status" between each other. If you really feel awkward in sharing your problems with him/her after getting together, let your partner know about it then discuss together how you can go about solving it. Sometimes its not really about mentality, more of the new "things" that are done together as a couple that makes you feel uncomfortable (e.g. hugging, etc). It can sound stupid but i guarantee you that there ARE cases like this hahahaha.
Sorry that i didnt update for so long, i was too tired to type and this post was separated into 2 days LOL. Hopefully its not boring to read and also hope it helps those who have similar problems as this memory. Stay tuned for the next memory!
- Saying how you feel about someone stays in his/her mind, but writing it down stays in his/her heart -
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