Memory 5: We talk about expressing our true feelings

Apparently using Saiful's name and putting it in bold was a good tactic to attract more readers HAHAHAHA, i bet he is gonna kill me tomorrow during training. Putting that aside, hopefully you have enjoyed the previous 2 posts, because today i am gonna try a risky memory which most of you will sian diao after reading halfway hahaha. I TRY MY BEST to make it as simple to read as possible.

Today, we are gonna talk about expressing our true feelings. This has always been something that everybody has difficulty in doing, no matter how much they want to deny that they can. Because lying has always been easier than telling the truth, otherwise people will not invent the phrase "white lies" as an excuse to cover for themselves. I feel that people do not tell their true feelings because they treat it like a secret, its something that represents themselves. I mean its quite retarded if you go around telling others how you really feel about them or what they do right? "Hey you look damn ugly today", "OMG you are damn pretty, will you be my gf pls?", "Eh you damn stupid la, so simple also dont know how to do???". I can guarantee either you get whacked or slapped in the face. Anyway in my opinion, people usually lie about their true feelings in areas such as love, relationship problems, etc. Regarding the other aspects of our life, it doesnt really matter whether we speak our true feelings or not, what matters more is whether is it the truth or not.

I believe most of us will stutter or feel goosebumps when we want to say our true feelings. Most of the time we express our true feelings to 2 types of people only - our best friends or that special someone. First lets talk about our best friends. Usually it is not that difficult to express your true feelings to your best friends, it is finding who your best friends are that is difficult. Of course each and everyone of us have our own definition of "best friends", but in the end what we really want is someone whom we can comfortably share our problems and feelings with. I also want to share something - when you are a listener of your best friend, never ever try to force him/her to say her true feelings. Because what i believe is when someone says his/her true feelings, he/she must first have the right mindset and emotion to share, otherwise the expression of his/her feelings will not be complete and heartfelt. Ya once again you guys can tell me "DUH, we all know that", but i can be sure that you will forget about it when the time comes because we are always overly curious about things we desperately wanna know. That is why we are humans hahaha

However things start to get complicated sometimes when you "over-share" your feelings and problems with your best friend. Its almost the same as watching drama serials, Girl A shares with Guy B how she feels about Guy C and her other problems. Guy C then reciprocates and get together with Girl A. But as time goes on, Girl A realises that she likes Guy B more after continuing to share with him the problems she has with Guy C. Ya i know it seems too dramatic for reality but i am sure some of you all have experienced it before right?

So how do you differentiate between a "best friend" and your "boy/girlfriend"? This will be touched on next time HAHA.

On to expressing your true feelings to that "special someone". The first thing you think of when u read the previous sentence is the phrase "i love you". BUT understand this, those are not the hardest feelings to express especially when you know both parties like each other already. It is telling each other about the problems you have in your relationship which is difficult. So why is it so hard? I mean most of the time as i believe, we tell our "best friends" the problems we have in our relationships and somehow expect the message to get across to your partner, hoping that he/she is psychic somehow lol. Well i believe the root of this "communication" problem is - fear. The main reason why we are so reluctant to let our partners know what we truly feel about certain things that they do or behave is because we are afraid of the unhappiness we might cause, we may also be worried that we are forcing our partners to change their habits/lifestyle just to suit our needs (for those who are extremely considerate). Whatever reason it may be, in the end not expressing your truth is the worst sin you can ever commit to your partner. It is easy for me to say that "we should tell our problems directly to each other" but obviously i also know that it is extremely difficult to do especially at the emotional level.

Telling each other how you really feel about your relationship may seem like a bad thing at first, but it has at least 2 long term positives. First, you understand about each others character and train of thought more. Which couple can vouch that they know each others character inside out when they get together? If thats the case why dont you 2 just get married then? Part of being in a relationship is finding more about each other, which can be fun and intriguing as long as both parties actively participate. Second positive is that you are one step closer in knowing whether he/she is "the one" (we are not talking about the matrix pls). If problems constantly arise and are never solved completely, you have a rough idea that there is no point in wasting each others time right? In the end no matter what excuses you wanna give, we must still come to a realisation that if we do not communicate truthfully to our partners, we will never progress together in the relationship, it will just be very superficial and collapse.

Lastly there are some of you that have boy/girlfriends which used to be your best friend. You two used to talk about anything under the sun, even when you think that he/she has a bad hairstyle or habit, you will just tell him/her with no hesitation cause you want him/her to change for the better. After awhile you realise that there is a "reluctance" in telling him/her about your problems, especially those that concerns both of you. So why is this so? I believe the problem lies with - mentality. After getting together, you 2 no longer have the "best friend" mindset, more of the "couple" mindset already. So therefore you find it hard to say truthful things that you used to say before because you dont want to ruin your relationship (which leads to the same point just now). I feel this is not really a BIG problem, more of adapting to the new "status" between each other. If you really feel awkward in sharing your problems with him/her after getting together, let your partner know about it then discuss together how you can go about solving it. Sometimes its not really about mentality, more of the new "things" that are done together as a couple that makes you feel uncomfortable (e.g. hugging, etc). It can sound stupid but i guarantee you that there ARE cases like this hahahaha.

Sorry that i didnt update for so long, i was too tired to type and this post was separated into 2 days LOL. Hopefully its not boring to read and also hope it helps those who have similar problems as this memory. Stay tuned for the next memory!

- Saying how you feel about someone stays in his/her mind, but writing it down stays in his/her heart -

Memory 4: We talk about being a somebody when you are a nobody

As you can see, i finally managed to trial and error my tagboard till i found the correct html area to place it hahaha. So whatever you wanna say about my posts (besides flaming me that its rubbish), pls feel free to put on the tagboard! And i realised most of you all cant be bothered to read the posts all the way from start till the end, so my suggestion is just to read the quote at the end of each post. Hopefully it "inspires" you in one way or another lol.

Today we are gonna talk about being a somebody when you are a nobody. If it is too difficult to understand the previous sentence, PLS STOP READING ALREADY. Hahahaha cause i doubt you will understand the rest also. Today's memory is dedicated to Saiful, because he was the one who inspired me to write about this memory while we were discussing something about hockey. I will explain further as we go on.

It all started on a cool and humid day on the track, Saiful and i were having a challenge during training break. After losing on the challenge (as usual), i told him i will make it to the national team in June (which is about 2 months time). Obviously he burst out into laughter and "suan" me saying that if i really do, he will kowtow to me LOL. That sentence totally "encouraged" me to the max, hahahaha Saiful if you are reading this, dont worry i am not offended, of course i know its just for laughs. However during the time that i was still trying desperately to convince him that i will make my dream come true, he told me that sometimes he misses to be a "nobody". Because we both agreed that when you are a "nobody", it is easier to be a "sombody".

Everyone, since young, always dreamt to be a "somebody". Maybe you dreamt to be a doctor, astronaut, actor, etc. We all want to be "sombody" because we desire to be recognised. Wanting to recognised is definitely not a problem, even for me i want to be recognised for alot of things - as a hockey player for example and many other things. And sometimes we just want to be recognised by ONE person instead of the general public, and that is the person we love. So we do all sorts of things to impress that special him/her/them, be it something small or big, in the end we just want others to know that we exist (to put it in a very blunt way).

So you might ask, why is it easier to be a "somebody" when you are a "nobody"?

Well lets take the earlier example to simulate a scenario. Imagine Saiful doing a special trick that is high level and looks impressive (Saiful sorry i have to use your name HAHAHAHA). Of course everyone will go "WAHHHHH" but the effect is not that powerful in a long run because he was once a national player, and to a certain extent everyone expects him to be able to pull it off. HOWEVER, imagine I was the one doing the exact same trick and still able to execute it perfectly, the "WAHHHHHH" effect will be long lasting and more powerful (that is if you guys bother to "WAHHHH" at all). Because i am just a normal player in everybody's eyes, no one special or impressive to even begin with in the first place.

The earlier example is more for trying to impress the general public, now i shall move on to impressing that special someone. Of course everyone knows how far they themselves will go to impress that special someone so i wont touch on that, however i shall talk more on trying to impress that special someone who is already a "somebody" in your social network. Allow me to illustrate this more clearly, imagine u like someone who is extremely popular or famous in school (if you dont already have), it will be more difficult for you to try to impress him/her right? Because you are just one of the many 1001 people around him trying to get closer to him/her and there is nothing significant that differentiates you from the rest (unless u are some prom king/queen, etc).

The only way to show that you truly care more for him/her than all the rest is be a "nobody". Being a "nobody" is not as simple as it seems sometimes, you have to carry on with your daily life and yet at the same time you have to show concern through little means and things that you do for that special someone. There is no point abandoning all your friends at that period of time just to chase that girl/guy, nor is it wise to sacrifice your favourite hobbies/activities so you can spend more time trying too hard to impress that "sombody". Of course many would agree that the prettiest girl/handsome guy in school will be extremely hard to get, but by sacrificing everything and focusing all your time on him/her, you are not showing your true self. In the end how would you know that the special someone likes you for who you really are? As long as you constantly show care and concern through the little things that you do, he/she will notice it no matter what as long as he/she is also interested in you. There was once a big commotion among my team on what each and everyone of us had planned to do during Valentine's Day. My coach Sam simply taught us to say this to our future girlfriends, "All i can tell you is that i am thrifty, if you love me for who i am, any day can be Valentine's day". Although it may not sound impressive here, but the way HE said it, our response was pure admiration of him LOL. Overall my main point is this, there is no point sacrificing everything and going all out trying to impress a girl/guy that may not even be interested in you at all, why not just lead your own life but constantly put in small efforts into showing your love. Only in this way then you are portraying your true self. Only in this way then you are being a "sombody" in his/her heart, when you are a "nobody".

Now we come to the end of this memory, hopefully i have as much "feel" to write my future posts as this one. Otherwise it will be another dreadful and waste of time post like Memory 2 hahaha. Pls tag on the tagboard if you wish to discuss about certain topics! I will once again leave you with a quote:

- It is not our abilities that makes us who we are, it is our choices -

Memory 3: Today, we talk about the 3 hardest words to say

I realised yesterday's post is really quite rubbish hahahaha so today i decided to write on a more "practical" memory(you cant blame me, i was typing that at nearly 2am this morning). And let me emphasize again, this blog is for people to read when they have nothing else better to do, it does not have entertainment value! If i include "jokes" inside, then it will be quite anti climax.

Anyway today we are gonna talk about the 3 hardest words/phrase to say to someone, first i want to clarify that the "someone" in this memory will be the general public, not specifically someone you love or close to you or etc. So in my opinion the 3 hardest words to say to someone would be - "thank you/thanks", "sorry" and "hello". I know many might argue that "i love you" should be included but i think modern generation people now say "i love you" only to their partners, rarely said to family members now.

Lets start with "thank you" (please dont tell me thank you is 2 words instead of 1, i will really slap you or something, i know its 2 words), "Thank you" is a hard word to say because rarely people mean it. Our culture/society teaches us to say "thank you" when someone helps us or in any other similar situations. However i observe when we say "thank you" to the other party, most of the time we are just saying it out of courtesy, not because we truly mean it. Of course i am not implying that we are all hypocrites, but just that "thank you" is being used with the wrong tone and at wrong timings. Lets say for example, your friend lends you notes to study, the obvious thing to do is to say "thank you", not because you feel appreciative of his/her gesture, but mainly because you are taught to do so. The tone and timing when we say the word "thank you" are always unconvincing - or at least that is how i see it, there is not enough genuine feeling when the words come out from our mouths. And when we say it, we just say it briefly and move on to whatever we want to do. But of course some may say "why bother put feeling into the word thank you, just say la. Not like we care whether someone say thank you with feeling what, so long they say i happy enough already". Yup i agree with that, but wouldnt it be better if you let your friend know how appreciative you were? This will in turn help to make your friendship bonds stronger.

Okay now on to "sorry", saying "sorry" has the similar problem as saying "thank you", just maybe in slightly different situations. The way we normally say "sorry" to someone, is as good as just saying "paiseh", we must always be clear that "sorry" is a stronger word than "paiseh". I always receive comments that why i always say "sorry" so many times. Because i feel that saying "sorry" once is the same as everyone else, we all hear "sorry" from people almost everyday, hearing it just one time seems so normal now. That is why i want to let the other party know that i am truly sorry for the trouble or whatever i did that was wrong, repeating it a few times is my way of expressing it. Of course some of my friends know that i use "paiseh" and "sorry" depending on the severity of the situation, i dont use "sorry" that extensively also.

Lastly (i know the post very long), we move on to "hello". Alot will say "goodbye" should be the hardest word to say. Let me explain myself - saying goodbye is difficult because most of the time we relate to memories like farewells to our closest friends, etc. However it is not the action of saying goodbye that is difficult, it is the feeling of losing someone close to you that makes it seems difficult to say. However in the end you will just say it because you want that to be the "last" word to him/her. On the other hand, when i mean "hello" is a hard word to say, it does not mean the "hello"s we say to our schoolmates or friends everyday. Those "hello"s are greetings to start a conversation or just to acknowledge each other. Of course i dont see anything wrong with that, just commenting on how i feel about them. Have you ever met someone familiar on the streets which you are sure that you know them? Probably a primary school friend or someone you knew from camp? But when you two walk past each other, you dont bother to say "hello" or even wave hi. Another situation is when you see your ex or a friend whom you had a terrible past with (perhaps a quarrel, dispute or whatever it is la) at a gathering or somewhere on the streets. Those are the hardest "hello"s to say in life. There may be several reasons we dont say "hello" to those familiar faces, it may be because they are just acquaintances last time or most of the time for me, i dont want to start an awkward conversation with that person since i have not seen him/her for a very long time. But sometimes we must ask ourselves, why is it so hard to just say "hello" to that familiar face when we can do it almost everyday to people we see in our social network? Why are we avoiding the awkward-ness when we are just assuming that it would happen? Of course each and everyone has their own individual reasons, i am just trying to make a point that "hello" is one of the hardest words to say.

After reading this EXTREMELY LONG post, hopefully i did not waste your time once again hahahahaha. I really just wanna share certain common issues in life that constantly make us stop and wonder, but always unable to reach a conclusion. Hopefully some of my posts can help you reach a certain point of view to follow next time?

Once again, i "thank you" for taking time off to read but am "sorry" if i wasted your time. Hope to say "hello" to you on this blog again =)

- You cant really know where you are going, till you know where you have been -

Memory 2: Today, we talk about talking with hidden motives

Sunny said that my blog too boring cause dont have profanities (vulgarities). I CANT TYPE THEM HERE or else wont sound "philosophical" lol. Beautable/Hamble said that my intro is too long winded and also quite confusing. YOU ARE JUST SLOW. From now on i will try to have more paragraphs cause i realised the post is really too long, hahaha my fault.

Okay, today we shall discuss about people talking to each other with hidden motives. First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong in that, unless it is to really backstab the person to the extreme. Otherwise the most common and honest "hidden motive" to talk to someone would be simply just - i want that person to listen to me, to hear my problems or my views, most of all to allow me to express myself.

Of course the hidden motives in this memory that we are talking about are not as simple as just "i want someone to listen to me", more of motives like "i want to find out some gossip" or "i want to know a secret". For guys it would more commonly be "i want to talk and get to know that cute girl over there". For worse case memories, we have motives like "i want to know your secrets so i can bitch about u" or spreading a half true rumour to a loudmouth in school or at work just to spoil someone's reputation.

People do this simply because we HAVE to, not that we WANT to or not, its just a natural part of us. Because everything that we do, we need a reason, otherwise there is nothing to blame or work for. Even stoning in the room requires a reason for your mind and body to do it, you are stoning because u are bored or tired of thinking not because u simply just want to stone, but "simply want to stone" is also a reason hahahaha. Everything that has a cause - has an effect, just like how an action will cause a reaction. Therefore this paragraph has totally no meaning in explaining why people talk to each other with hidden motives, i just felt like typing all that rubbish LOL. It was supposed to link to another topic but i want to be specific, or else people say its confusing AGAIN. If you did have a certain sense of enlightenment after reading this paragraph then i can only say 1 thing - GOOD FOR YOU.

Back to the memory, so how do we overcome or tackle this "problem"?

I would not say that it is a problem, more of a choice of whether u want to be honest in your conversations or not. As i said earlier, there is nothing wrong in having hidden motives when you talk to another person. Personally i have done that 1001 times already, even now the reason for typing all these philosophical rubbish for you all to read is just so that i can express my opinions on certain issues in life, or like what my coach sam like to call it - life lessons. But what we can do is to be honest to ourselves and also to those whom we converse with. I mean if the hidden motive is harmless, why not just let the person know directly? It doesnt matter which part of the conversation you "declare" your motive, just by being honest is good enough. You dont have to act friendly by saying "eh hi how are you? Long time never see already, want to catch up?" but actually you dont give a shit about that person's well being, your true intention is just to sell him/her products. Of course if you truly want to catch up with that person AND also sell your product, by all means just do it but i think its better to try to sell the product first before catching up, or else the person might misunderstand.

I believe by being honest in your conversations, even with stupid motives, the other party will truly listen to you. And also it is very easy to tell that you are not communicating "truthfully", even the simplest words like "how are u?" can sound fake. Once again u can tell me "aiya who dont know about this?" but many people always try to go one round by being nice then link to their actual motive, which i find it quite comical at times when they try too hard. Honest communication has become a habitual problem in our daily lives, and that will become our next topic =)

Okay i think today's post abit retarded, you must consider the fact that i am typing this at 1am plus, so my brain really not thinking, i already tried my best!

- Between the words spoken from the heart and those spoken from the mind, they will sound the same to the ears but heard differently from the heart -

Memory 1: We talk about people whom we see differently from us

First of all, i created this blog because i really nothing else better to do, and i just wanna share certain things that people always wonder. So if u got any comments just comment on the post, apparently i cant transfer my tagboard cause i suck at HTML.

Everything will be in "GP" format, P.R.E as far as possible, although i doubt i will be able to consistently follow that format. This is for those who have A levels this yr to get used to the format (HAHA I DOUBT IT HELPS). And please read the disclaimer at the top before continuing to read the rest.

And for every topic i talk about in each post, lets name the topic memory. partly cause its easier for me to type one word instead of repeating the whole phrase.

Today i shall talk about people whom we SEE different from ourselves. In layman's term - those who have different frequency from us. when i mean US, most of the time is in the perspective of yourself and ur own grp of good friends, not me and you (i bet sure got ppl think is me and them). Most common scenarios would be when u are going out with a grp of good friends then among the group there are 1 or 2 not so close ones that just "shun bian" or so happen to join u guys for probably dinner or something. Then things start to get weird when the topics between the "weirdo" and everyone else is completely opposite or not linked at all. Another case would be people who behave/act/think differently in the same situation (e.g. everyone is playing sports and the "weirdo" is playing video games at one corner or 2 ppl sharing completely opposite opinions on a simple subject, just to state a random case totally no link to myself or any1 around me).

In this kind of memory, i pressume a normal person would be thinking "this guy is just a freaking weirdo, what the hell is he doing/saying?" or "can this guy just get lost, damn irritating". of course there are nicer people who just tolerate or even accept them as part of the group. In my opinion, we think this way because we are not used to people who are different from ourselves, when i mean different i mean in terms of anything - opinions, interests, etc. yes u can tell me that u already know of this theory or whatsoever, but do we constantly every give a thought about it before? I personally do not blame ppl for not doing so because its extremely hard esp for extremely "different" ppl. We must remember this post is based on MY opinion, its open for discuss but of course dun flame me or antyhing haha. Back to the point, we are unable to accept their difference not only because we are not used to it, but also because the fact that we naturally assume that everyone around us share the same thinking, whether is it due to same education system or same generation thinking. As humans, we also hope everyone shares the same interests and ideals so we do not feel so left out in the "social circle", when we confirm that we are the "majority", it gives us the notion or power that we can exclude or discard those "weirdos".

So how do we "solve" this memory?

There is no wrong in feeling that the other person is different or weird, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and thoughts, however we must not let our bias-ness get into the way of our actions. Let me give u an example, once i had a friend, whose sole interests was about pokemon, digimon, you know all the "kids stuff". whenever we came together along with our other friends, we would always talk about these few topics. and when i mean talk about it, its really extremely extensive and enthu, worse than how i talk about hockey. obviously as a "grown" teenager i felt a little awkward. At first i wasnt quite interested in what he said. however what i could do was to just lend him a listening ear, i dont have to reply him with fake interests or anything. Even just by listening attentively without saying much, even he could tell that i was trying to be appreciative. I mean topics like pokemon and digimon can be quite interesting sometimes right? who never play those games like crazy when they were young. but his knowledge of those stuff was beyond that, he really did ALOT of research to be honest. Till today, one of my other friends can tell me that the "pokemon guy" can actually be a very good talker because when he chats with us, there is no hidden motive or intention (which will most likely be my next topic so i will elaborate next time) and even though it may be childish stuff, but the way he expresses it can be quite interesting SOMETIMES, not ALL the time haha. My point is this - we dont have to completely accept those who are different, or rather those whom WE SEE differently, we just have to act accordingly and just go along with them. Who knows maybe you yourself might enjoy doing something different? Of course there are limits to each and everyone's limits, we cant possibly accept EVERYONE who we think is different or weird, otherwise we are not humans anymore, just robots.

Hopefully u dun feel that u wasted your time after reading this hahaha, if u do i apologise. I end this with a quote (every post i try to have 1 different one):

~ It is not the amount of friends you make, it is the amount of impact you make on them ~